I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
