K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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