Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
