Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
