Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
did i just pee glitter
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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