It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
