He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
