I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
