I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
