Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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