I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
