we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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