Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just come out here and I will go home with you...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
