I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize