I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
