Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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