im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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