I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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