he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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