I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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