Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
