I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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