I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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