My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
no, he came in my armpit
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
