I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Come back. Shots need mouths.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize