i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
