I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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