we're chasing vodka with high fives
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
