I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
