drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
