stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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