Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize