Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
