You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
