At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Quick, to the slutcave!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize