so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
