i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize