Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
