Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
