she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
