I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
