Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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