people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
