I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
