I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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