dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you will always have a special place in my vag
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize