tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
