Well apparently he's into motor boating.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
