yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
