Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
