The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
