She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
