There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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