We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
