I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
