textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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