toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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