Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
