I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
