The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
