1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
