I'm drive I can fine osifer
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
