she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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