At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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